The Chaos of Now by Erin Jade Lange

Cover Art Courtesy of Goodreads

I was not expecting to enjoy this book as much as I did. The Chaos of Now by Erin Jade Lange is a YA contemporary that follows Eli, a high school student obsessed with computers and coding. The book starts one year after one of Eli's classmates, Jordan Bishop, committed suicide by lighting himself on fire in the middle of the cafeteria, with bullying as the cause. There is definitely a trigger warning on this book for bullying and suicide.

Eli himself is a victim of bulling, having most recently been beaten up in the bathroom. But immediately following his beating, Eli is left a code in a computer language very few can understand. The code leads him to some new friends and a slot in a team for a major coding competition. But when the team's competition project turns into a vehicle for revenge on Jordan's death, Eli isn't sure he wants to stay a part of it, especially when his own secrets are at stake.

I really enjoyed this read! I liked all of the characters, and thought the plot was fast paced and engaging. This was definitely focused on the harm that bullying can do, but had a great techie aspect to it as well. I did think that some parts were a little bit unrealistic, both some actions and some repercussions. I absolutely appreciated that the love interest was not at all the center of this story.

Fans of books like Warcross, and those interested in computers, technology, and coding, would definitely enjoy this read!

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars

Thanks so much to Bloomsbury for an advanced copy of this read! The Chaos of Now by Erin Jade Lange is out TOMORROW, Oct. 2nd, so be sure to pick up a copy!

What I Leave Behind by Alison McGhee

Cover Art Courtesy of Goodreads

This was definitely a unique and interesting read. Told in 100 chapters with 100 words each, What I Leave Behind by Alison McGhee is a breath of fresh air in a sea of similarity. Small and mighty, this story, although short, packs a powerful punch. I do want to place a trigger warning on this book for rape and suicide before I jump into the review.

This story follows Will, a teenage boy who loves to walk. After his father's suicide, he started walking and hasn't stopped since. He walks to work through problems, to think about things, and to observe. He walks to his job at Dollar Only, and he walks to deliver presents to friends and neighbors. Will is very observant, and this story reveals his thoughts about things ranging from his boss to his family to the little boy down the street that waits for butterflies. When his childhood friend Playa is raped, Will walks to work though his feelings, deciding to deliver presents to her every day to cheer her up, and he walks to think though his father's suicide. Throughout the story, Will is also set on replicating his father's perfect cornbread recipe, but learns at the end that it was never really about the cornbread at all.

I really like the way this story was told, because although it was a short and fast read, the message of positive thinking was powerful and important. Will is such a kind character, always thinking of others. Considering everything Will has been through, I admire his positivity and his desire to cheer up those around him. I love the way that Will references music and song lyrics (especially Bowie!), and how he holds fast and true to the sayings his father left him with, no matter how cliché they may be.

Reading this, I felt an overwhelming desire to be more positive, to look on the bright side, and to appreciate everything around me. Will could have easily sunken into himself, but he instead focused on observing the beauty and people around him and appreciating them any way he knew how.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars

Thanks so much to Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing for sending me a finished copy of this read! What I Leave Behind by Alison McGhee releases TODAY, May 15th, so be sure to pick up a copy!

The Elizas by Sara Shepard

Cover Art Courtesy of Atria Books

As a Pretty Little Liars superfan, I'm always drawn to Sara Shepard's books. The mystery and intrigue in all her plotlines always have me hooked, and her new adult thriller The Elizas was no different. I want to put a trigger warning for mental illness and suicide on this book before I jump into the review.

When Eliza Fontaine is pulled from a pool, her parents and doctors think it's a suicide attempt after an evening of drinking too much. She does have a history of them, after all, both evenings of excessive drinking and suicide attempts. But Eliza swears someone pushed her in. When no one takes her seriously, Eliza decides to investigate her case herself, set on proving that this was not a suicide attempt. But other things are happening to Eliza as well. She's zoning out, not remembering major life details, and acting erratic. Her first novel is set to be published soon, but when her family finds out about it and reads the story, they plead Eliza to stop the publication. But why?

This book is half Eliza plot, and half excerpts from Eliza's novel, The Dots, so this almost seems like two stories in one. The Dots follows Dot, a young girl plagued with seizures, and her aunt Dorothy. When The Dots starts to turn dark, Eliza begins to uncover some of that missing information in her life that may connect the fictional Dot and Eliza herself more than she initially thought.

This may be one of the hardest book reviews I've ever had to write, simply because the book was such a trip! Also, the way the two plots paralleled it's hard to say too much without spoiling anything. There are a lot of WAIT WHAT moments, in both the Eliza and Dot storylines. It read very quickly, as you bounce between The Dots excerpts and Eliza's own narrative. I absolutely adored Eliza as a character. Her penchant for the morbid and curious reminded me a lot of myself. Her chaotic thoughts were so well written that it was impossible not to get into Eliza's head and feel the same panic and paranoia she experienced.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars

Thanks so much to Atria Books for a digital ARC of this great book! The Elizas by Sara Shepard releases TOMORROW, April 17th, so be sure to pick up a copy!

In Sight of Stars by Gae Polisner

Cover Art Courtesy of St. Martin's Press

I don't cry at books, I just don't. I get sad and do feel emotion for whatever is happening, but I don't ever shed physical tears. BUT HOLY WATERWORKS. This book got me. In Sight of Stars by Gae Polisner melted my icy heart and sent tears streaming down my cheeks in droves. This story follows Klee (pronounced Clay), a teen struggling with his father's suicide, who in a moment of weakness hurts himself and ends up in a mental hospital (more fondly known as the Ape Can). It's then that he's forced to reconcile everything that's happened...with his dead father, with his mother, and most importantly with himself.

This book is 100% character driven, which is good because the characters were fantastic. Sister Agnes Theresa was such a joy! While at first she was a completely random character with her board games and snack delivery, she ended up being one of the biggest supporters of Klee.  I also absolutely adored Dr. Alvarez. I thought she was supportive and nurturing in all the right ways, letting Klee take his time with things and pushing just enough to let progress blossom on its own. Between what Klee did for her at the end and what she revealed about herself to him, I just couldn't hold myself together. I really didn't like Sarah, but I don't think I was meant to. She's the typical manic pixie dream girl who takes what she wants without giving anything back, and even at the end she just left a bad taste in my mouth. Klee's mother was a difficult character to crack, but the more the story developed, the more you start to understand why the "Ice Queen" is the way she is.

And Klee himself, I have so much to say about Klee (but I can't without spoiling too much). From his love of Van Gogh to his fierce loyalty to his father, Klee is emotionally complex and raw. I loved seeing him open up to everyone in the Ape Can, and you could tell that no matter how much he was struggling, he really wanted to understand what was happening and get better.

I loved all the stories and flashbacks with Klee and his father, and the tales he told Klee to teach him about life. The whole thing was beautifully written and like I said before, it takes a lot to touch me enough to make me cry, and this story succeeded. Trigger warnings for suicide and self harm are definitely needed, but the subject was touched on in a sensitive and tender way. This book was deep and emotional, and one that will definitely stick with me for a while.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Stars

A huge thanks to St. Martin's Press for sending me an early finished copy of this beauty. In Sight of Stars by Gae Polisner is out TODAY so be sure to pick up a copy of this beautiful emotional roller coaster.